I’m not sure when exactly I stopped seeing the little number at the end of the post title as a representation of my commitment to something and more as an indication that the commitment had turned into a miserable obligation, but today is definitely the day I was cognisant of it. I am reminded of when, as a 16/17-year-old, I used to work at Primark on the weekends and I hated it so much that when my dad drove me there in the mornings I would wish for every single traffic light to turn red on the way and stay like it. I am so bored of new music because the new music is boring and so I wake up on a Friday morning and just complain (which isn’t fun for me by the way!) and I am a big believer in only doing stuff that feels good and this No Longer Feels Good. All that to say… I’m gonna stop. Not immediately, but soon, I guess. Maybe I’ll see it out to the end of the year, maybe I won’t. Maybe we’ll have a spectacular run of songs this week and I shall be revitalised but also… *scrolls playlist* maybe not! Anyway, one thing I did enjoy doing was recording an Ariana Grande special episode of my long neglected podcast with fellow superfan Ellis. You can listen to that here. Picks from today’s NMF will be added to the main playlist and also while you’re here, if you’re looking for a point of entry to the best band in the world right now and the only new act I genuinely do care about, here’s a selection of Brockhampton songs I put together which is basically their tour setlist plus some bonus faves of mine. I’m at Britney all weekend, I hope your bank holiday is gonna be as lit as mine!
GRACE CARTER – ‘WHY HER NOT ME’
Jorja Smith, is that you? The song is dull just like I would expect, but your voice isn’t as good? What happened, sis? Nah, sorry, I do apologise: Jorja Smith is a lazy comparison. It’s actually very very very similar to something else but I cannot! be! arsed! to try and remember what. I skipped this at 2.24.
JASON DERULO x DAVID GUETTA – ‘GOODBYE’ ft. NICKI MINAJ & WILLY WILLIAM
Jason Derulo. Sweet, solid, always to be relied on for an absolute banger Jason Derulo. Why have you forsaken me! The thing is, I really love Moana right, including the soundtrack, but there is a certain quality to songs written for Disney movies that I could do without in pop music. Like, a weird cleanness. A predictable safety. When you apply that weird clean predictable safety to pop you end up with… Jess Glynne. Which is exactly what the chorus of this sounds like! It sounds like Jess Glynne’s chorus! You know the one, it’s the only one she has! This could have been improved tenfold by adding in Nicki’s Queen Radio “TO FREEDOM!!!!!!!” cry. I didn’t skip it though.
SAWEETIE x LONDON ON DA TRACK – ‘UP NOW’ ft. G-EAZY & RICH THE KID
The ‘ICY GRL’ remix with the good sis Kehlani has been a runaway fave of mine this year – Kehlani can really spit! – but I’m sure the jacked beat from ‘My Neck, My Back (Lick It)’ is almost entirely responsible for why I like it. Without such a classic beat, Saweetie kinda falls a little flat, her verse is very monotone and flavourless, the hook isn’t hooky and I barely paid attention to G-Eazy or Rich The Kid’s guest spots. Played it to the end, but coulda stopped it halfway in.
BRING ME THE HORIZON – ‘MANTRA’
I mean, it’s just not my thing is it. You know what though, the first verse really pulled me in. I’m not convinced it isn’t actually a little brainwashy. I have no intention of starting a cult with “Bring” “Me” “The” “Horizon” but for a split second I considered playing this song again. Darksided. I skipped at 2.44.
DISCLOSURE – ‘FUNKY SENSATION’ ft. GWEN MCRAE
The “funky sensation” I’m feeling is the sweet relief that came from skipping this at 1.23.
LIAM PAYNE – ‘FIRST TIME’ ft. FRENCH MONTANA
What’s the narrative of this? Liam obviously broke up with his girlfriend/baby mama and I guess the songs he was writing before about his 100% genuine relationship no longer fit with where he’s at in his life so he’s just dumping them off and starting again. I’m sure the lacklustre performance of subsequent releases since his debut have nothing to do with this reset! This is spectacularly average, French Montana continues to be the worst guest rapper ever, but, crucially! I forgot it was playing! And the next song started before I realised it was happening! I have this new theory that the more a song can play on in the background undetected the more it is likely to be a hit, algorithmically if not culturally. See if you don’t skip it, and it keeps playing it looks like it’s popular so the algorithm favours it so it gets highlighted more and so it keeps being played and before you know it, there’s 50 milli streams and not a single fucking person who actually cares about the song. Love the state of pop music in the year two thousand and eighteen!
SOULÉ – ‘DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH’
At 1.13 this formulaic house warp didn’t morph into ‘Don’t Hold Your Breath’ by Nicole Scherzinger – still a banger! – so I skipped it.
BLACK COFFEE & DAVID GUETTA – ‘DRIVE’ ft. DELILAH MONTAGU
Afro-house from the dude you probably know from the Drake record. Heard it all before. Skipped at 1.09.
EVERYONE YOU KNOW – ‘OUR GENERATION’
Everyone You Know except for any women, according to the playlist of favourite bangers put together by this brand new act to tick off “content” under the Spotify column. Heavily influenced by The Streets (a reference to A Grand Don’t Come For Free in the opening lines, heavily influenced) and idk… it just has that air of feeling like it’s doing something brand new but I knew exactly how this would unravel before I even pressed play. It’s called ‘Our Generation’ ffs. Vice articles don’t make good songs.
CHIP – ‘MY GIRL’ ft. RED RAT
Chip dips into his never-ending well of bars just in time for carnival. This track is good for literally just this bank holiday weekend, after which point it’s definitely gonna drop in appeal, so if you’re into it, get it while the getting is good.