Between the heat and the remnants of jetlag (never been jetlagged before btw, do not recommend) plus not needing to go anywhere until lunch today, I slept innnnnnnn this morning so apologies for being a little late. I’ve been out of sorts all week, but I’m hoping a session of GOAT YOGA tomorrow morning will fix that. Can you believe I’m going to a) do yoga, me, a notoriously exercise averse human and b) with actual goats running all around, aka my fave animals in the world? Lotta firsts for me, this weekend. I’m also off to see Kelis tonight, truly I am so blessed. Anyways, main playlist here, this week’s reviews below. Enjoy your sad, goatless lives suckers!
LOGIC – ‘ONE DAY’ ft. RYAN TEDDER
I spent the whole time I listened to this track trying to find out what the piano sample is. Apparently nothing notable, since it isn’t mentioned anywhere? So why does it sound so familiar? If anyone knows what it is, please do enlighten me because my brain is about to bust out my head. Sample aside, this is Extremely Fucking Twee Hip Hop, but… it’s fine? I can’t imagine me ever wanting or choosing to hear it again but I won’t hate it if I’m in a public place and it happens to come on.
DAVID GUETTA – ‘DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE’ ft. ANNE-MARIE
Anne-Marie, aka Ol’ Reliable, aka Yung Perma-Featured puts in a perfectly perfunctory vocal performance on this bog-standard Guetta track which neither meanders or goes off, it just occurs and then it ends and that is that on that. I love Anne-Marie but I couldn’t be more apathetic about this song.
EMILY BURNS – ‘TEST DRIVE’ ☑
The Emily Burns EP is out today, a whole seven tracks, and I guarantee there will be three at least 8/10 tracks in addition to the four 10/10s she has released so far, including this one. ‘Test Drive’ is a lightweight and relentlessly catchy little pop song about… flaky hook ups, I guess? The last time I interpreted the lyrics of an Emily Burns song I spent a good two to three months thinking she was straight (I am still! cringing! at! myself!) so I won’t try and dive too deep on this one. It’s a great track from a great new talent, nuff said.
CHARLI XCX – ‘GIRLS NIGHT OUT’
A couple weeks ago, my good friend Anthonysis played me the demo of this and I think my brains leaked out my ears as a self-defence mechanism. In fairness, it sounds ever so slightly less offensive polished up than it did in its… raw, unfiltered state. And that’s all I have to say. Enjoy your little popstar!
THE CHAINSMOKERS – ‘SIDE EFFECTS’ ft. EMILY WARREN ☑
A song by The Chainsmokers that I… don’t immediately despise? Heatstroke: confirmed. Nah, you gotta give credit where it’s due tho, innit. And this is pretty decent. Kinda retro, kinda disco. I even like Emily Warren’s vocal and it usual rubs me completely the wrong way. I’m into it, I can’t lie.
SIGALA & THE VAMPS – ‘WE DON’T CARE’
This song went on for at least a minute and a half past its welcome! I was sorta vibing to it in the beginning but by the tortuous fucking end it was like “we don’t care” and neither the fuck did I. Predictable Sigala beat, predictable Vamps melody.
JOEL BAKER – ‘HARDER TO FALL’
I was shrugging at British Macklemore like “well okay, someone will like this I guess” because it has that exact same stomp/clap beat and a choir arrangement that is one of the four default white male musician pre-sets (the others being: acoustic singer/songwriter troubadour, unwashed indie guitar bollocks and quiet-verse, shouting-chorus) and feeling sad that mens music is just as dull and limiting as mens fashion. And then… I read the Spotify biog on this guy. And well. I’ll just be lying out in the sun on the hottest day of the year waiting for death to come. No one try to hydrate me!
ALL SAINTS – ‘AFTER ALL’ ☑
I didn’t get all hyped up for this All Saints x William Orbit track the way everyone else did, because, confession: I don’t actually rate William Orbit. And don’t get me wrong, he has some absolute diamonds in his production discography – including his past work with All Saints – but for every diamond there are also forgettable turds, and I hated the petulant way he acted about not getting more material on the Britney album he worked on… especially since the song he did get cut was… not great? Anyways! Point is, I wasn’t that arsed about this, so I am pleasantly surprised to discover that it is absolutely magical. Gorgeous, lush instrumentation, harmonies on harmonies, and drowned in that very clean and expensive aura that the best All Saints songs have. A triumph.
HONNE – ‘FEELS SO GOOD ◑‘ ft. ANNA OF THE NORTH ☑
Anna (of the North)’s voice really just takes any 6/10 song up to that 8 or 9 reach. It just floats. So dreamy. This is properly fucking cute, in that way I resent enjoying because it’s so fucking geriatric in its maturity level, but I can’t help it! Some days eskimo kisses and holding hands, you know! An old people’s home love song.