We’re getting proper into Q1, everyone’s back at their desks after Christmas, and therefore there are a few more notable releases than usual. Of course most of them are garbage, as people take advantage of this traditionally low sales period to try and sneak in a better chart position than they’re worth in a more competitive week, but still! Shame Ed Sheeran locked the top of the chart away pretty much until March. Everyone had better pray he doesn’t drip out the instant grats…
ASTON MERRYGOLD – ‘ONE NIGHT IN PARIS’
This is genuinely a terrible song. And allegedly inspired by Prince? The fucking nerve of it, keep that legend’s name out of your mouth if it’s to disrespect him in this manner. I just don’t really know who it’s for? Who is checking for an Aston Merrygold track in 2017? How can something so cheap be such a terrible waste of money?
THE CHAINSMOKERS – ‘PARIS’
Clearly a popular destination this Friday, but if this track or the Aston Merrygold one were used in any kind of marketing material for the City of Light I would have to hard pass on a visit. The Chainsmokers are basically Example but with the good sense to hire in some female artists to sing their choruses, and I honestly wish we could consign this Hollister wearing bro-pop to the dumpster fire it was borne out of. I was mildly interested in this song this morning when it was rumoured that the female vocalist was Selena Gomez but that brief flare of intrigue was quickly distinguished after the rumour was debunked (it’s actually songwriter Emily Warren). Just no.
HALSEY – ‘NOT AFRAID ANYMORE’ ☑️
Halsey is such a weird artist – I can’t get a handle on whether she is a thing or not? She’s sold out Madison Square Garden (twice) and she had that big #1 with The Chainsmokers but it’s like these things happen in a vacuum – I feel like I never hear about her unless it’s because stan twitter are dragging her for something. I really liked her album and generally think she’s an interesting pop star, but I don’t know how I feel about this 50 Shades Darker soundtrack single. It’s dramatic and dark but kinda hollow, which doesn’t make it bad it just makes it a bit whatever. It might be a grower though, so it’s worth at least a couple of listens.
JULIA MICHAELS – ‘ISSUES’ ☑️
Julia Michaels is part responsible for about 30% of the good pop songs of the last two years, so yes this song is of a certain (high) quality, but good god where the fuck is the chorus? This song is the same all the fuck the way through. Even the middle 8 can barely be differentiated from the rest of the track. I’m bored of linear pop, you guys, I beg you stop lulling my ears. Excite them! Surprise them! Shake me up a bit PLEASE GOD. Ugh, I’m taking my ennui out on this song. It’s honestly good, you’ll definitely like it more than I did.
UNA HEALY – ‘STAY MY LOVE’ ft. SAM PALLADIO ☑️
Una off of The Saturdays is a country/folk singer now and she’s palling around with Sam Palladio who plays Gunnar on Nashville (it’s Empire, but caucasian af). If I’m honest, this isn’t even really good enough for a minor character on the show but Una was always my fave ‘Day and Sam has a face I wanna kiss so I’m kinda biased in my enjoyment of it regardless. It’s gentle and nice and their voices work well together.