hiya babes…

So… look I haven’t updated in a while, like… one post for the whole year is pretty meagre offerings even by the low expectations I’m sure you all have of me. I’ve been kinda uninspired, I guess. You know I find it hard to write when I’m depressed and for the vast majority of 2016 I have been depressed. High-functioning, going about my business, still cute and entertaining af depressed, but depressed nonetheless.

Look at the world, man. If you ask me, it’s impossible to be sentient and not depressed. I’m not mad about it, just inconvenienced. The thing with my depression (and probably maybe it manifests like this for others too) is that the thoughts don’t stop, inspiration still flows, the ideas still come, but the drive and motivation to materialise them is nowhere. I’m a blocked, motherfucking pipe. My own brain is blueballed.

Ironically, writing actually really helps me when I’m depressed. In the same way other people have religion, I glom on to the fact that I know how to write as the one thing I’m good at and in control of, so in those bleak periods where I question The Point Of It All, I like to write to retain a sense of self-worth. My self-esteem hasn’t really taken much of a dip this time round though, so the impetus to get words out has reduced to almost zero. But I always have those moments just before rock-bottom where I dredge up a little bit of grit to push through and so here I am, ready to write again.

2016 came close to being the first time in around 8 years that I didn’t post any end-of-year music lists, because I honestly just couldn’t be arsed, and I kinda left it up to my small twitter audience to provide me with a cop-out (shout out to that 25%!) but the people have spoken and I am nothing if not this gif.

give the gays what they want

My Top 20 singles and albums of the year will be posted on this site over these last few days of 2016, and I hope to keep the momentum going well into 2017. I mean, January 1st marks my first official day of unemployment so right now I have a shit ton of time on my hands. Yay, new beginnings…?

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