Hey guys, I found you a Rihanna placeholder until Fleur East launches

The X Factor tour is in full swing now, which means last-series-runner-up-but-really-deserving-winner Fleur East will soon be free to begin writing/recording/general popstarring and becoming your #1 fave anywhere between this year and 2018 (seriously, what is Tamera up to?) Meanwhile, Rihanna is pleasing no one (except me, apparently) with her church campfire ode to wanting the weekend to come and even saviour-of-all-mankind Tinashe is testing patience by adding Igloo Australia to certified jam ‘All Hands On Deck’, rendering it almost unlistenable.

As for me, I have started watching my new most favouritest TV show of all time, Fox’s new musical drama Empire, and in the process become a pom-pom carrying cheerleader for Serayah, an actual in real life aspiring popstar (whose hair game isĀ so strong) who plays the character of Tiana… an aspiring popstar.

Notoriously, for anyone who has followed my well-documented struggles as a Leighton Meester and Naya Rivera fan, any actress I tend to want to be a popstar rewards me by taking their sweet fucking time about it, but given that Empire is a musical drama and unlike Glee it focuses on original music (mainly written/produced by ya boy Timbaland), I already have enough Serayah/Tiana tracks to make a quality EP.

Look at this performance of my current obsession ‘Keep It Movin’ (with Hakeem Lyon aka irl rapper Yazz the Greatest) and tell me that it doesn’t serve you Rihanna x Chris Brown teas, back from when they were both teenage and cute and not tainted by… all that awful shit that went down.

Or what about this performance of ‘Drip Drop’ which is a trash banger in the vein of ‘Drop That Kitty’ but actually good.

Then there’s ‘Bad Girl’, which is basic but satisfying…

And ‘Adios’ which is straight Timbaland fire, like Justin Timberlake’s ‘Let The Groove Get In’ but not 12 hours long. It is nowhere to be found on YouTube except in snippets and background of this breakdown of it.

I know times are hard right now. Meghan Trainor has a #1 album, Sam Smith is winning all the awards and Radio 1 won’t play Madonna. It seems like all we have to pin our hopes on is Years & Years. But these times will pass, and the pop horizon will grow bright again. Maybe Robyn will release a new record, who knows! But until that day, you could do worse than getting these bops into heavy rotation on your iPod. Also, on an Empire note, check out Jussie Smollett who plays Jamal Lyon. Voice like liquid slayage.


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